1st year.. Doing, Choosing, Sacrificing, Confusing, Disappointing
2nd year.. Giving, Teaching, Choosing, Sacrificing, Guiding, Despair, Disappointing, Helpless
3rd year.. Letting Go, Healing, Cherishing, Wondering.
Graduation.. Moving On.

What matters in the ultimate end, is the fruitful experience, happy memories and the people that would still remain by your side.

We can't stop the clock from ticking, because time waits for no man.
Time flies.
Never regretted any actions, be it correct or wrong to the public's eye.
For with every action that one takes, there is always a reason.

whatever that belongs to you, comes back to you in d long run. whatever that does not, just treat it as a beautiful memory. =)

Smile cause there are many things we can smile at;
Be Happy cause that's what keeps our day going easier;
Forgive cause grudges drain our energy;
Don't forget cause history moulds our future;
Open your heart cause this makes it easier for people to enter your life;
Be optimistic cause things happen for a reason;
Accept the reality cause it makes life easier for us to cope;
Believe in fate cause some things are fated to be in that way for a reason;
Treasure and Love cause it is something close to our heart;
Hope cause in life we need some things to motivate us;
Reminisce cause great memories are like happy pills to blue days;
Value cause most things are impermanent;
Be strong cause there are many challenges up ahead for us to conquer;
Know your wants cause this will prevent us from falling into illusions which can be a trap;
Be true to yourself cause it's easier to be ourselves this way;
Learn to let go cause that's how we move forward;
No regrets to the decision made now cause life is simply too short to live in remorse and lastly
Accept the changes occurring cause "change" is something that doesn't change in life.

Sometimes, you feel ready to do something, to move on, to live. Sometimes you still lose the courage to face your life and everything. I'm confused, by the things around me, and by myself. Everything seems so pointless.
Nobody would ever understand.
I totally got no idea how my mood can change so abruptly from time to time.

I just need a break sometimes..
from everyday's life
to fuck care about everything else that is to be care about.
and just emo it out.
I just need some courage.
Some courage to go on.

time really do flies. it has been the 3rd week of the last semester of poly for me.
everyday when i make my way to dover mrt, i would take a mental note to myself, that it is a reduction of a day from the remaining days i had in poly.
felt kinda sad actually, having to leave poly, or rather cadc soon.
but at the same time, kinda look forward to life after poly, which the next phrase is ns.
a new life, new begining then. it feels just like leaving secondary school for poly back then.
half of me wanted to remain at my spot, yet on the other hand wanted to move on too.
who knows how many friends i made in poly i could keep close contact with when all of us grad.
well, perhaps too much twist n turns happened for me in my life in poly already.
lookin way back, from freshmens to year 3, there were many ups n downs moments.
made many sacrifices, fu chu so much for certain stuffs, crossed many problems n hurdles.
but it was kinda disappointing on how everything ended up now.
so disappointing that even if i were to look at my batch's contact list right now, there weren't anybody that i thought i could had heart to heart talk, people that i really trust n hav a sense of belonging to.
when by right, i should have alot of them.
i kept telling myself to move on, move on and move on. but yet no matter how much i changed thruout the months, i still couldn't do it, deep down.
looking at secondary school frens, some of them still meet up regularly for stuffs etc. some of them still remain as zhi xing peng you, etc.
i felt guilty to my sec sch mates, esp the ones that i were used to be very closed with.
it just feels awkard to ask them out, or even talk to them.
even if were to meet up, it doesn't felt the same again.
i felt weak, lost at times. no direction, no assurance.
that is why i looked forward to life after poly, to experience a new begining, make more new friends, acheive as much as i could, create as much good memories as i could.
sometimes it feels exciting to think about that, but sometimes otherwise.
i guess at least several years down the road, i would not be able to let go of the attachment i got with club, and the friends i made in club.

everyday when i woke up, i told myself this.
it is a new day, a new begining again.
the events yesterday were unchangeable, the future is unpredictable.
so today, you only face today.
no matter how significance u tot of today, it is still a day.
make it good, not regreting the decisions i made, no matter how small or how big the matter is.
just wanted to make the most of the days left in poly.
it can be as simple as slackin arnd with frens, in club or outside, going to lessons, cramping in the damn packed mrt, going to lunch with mates, dotaing, bballing, jogging, play guitar, striving for bball intercons, teaching the juniors wadever i could, etc....
bcos once we grad, it will never be the same again.
so just cherish every moment of poly life.
so that i could leave poly life contently, with no regrets.

quite much of stuffs happen at home recently..
well, it has been years.
maybe it has already reached the limit.

all that i can do is to lessen the burden on family.
working more often to gain extra cash.
try to keep sis company n happy.
keeping my temper cooly.
all i can hope for
is that nth will happen in d end.
that somehow someway, things will work out by itself.
she is right.. no 1 knows anything about me at home.
n we were just ourselves indivdually all these years..

it has been years..
it is so tiring, to be the middleman all tis while.
i must learn how to be contented and cherish the things i have.
i dk wad holds the future for us.
hope that everything would turn out fine in d end.
and that whatever that is suspected to be true would turn out to be untrue in d end..

choices & decisions

hey i'm back to revive my blog again. =)

having holidays now but the holidays r meant to study. =.=
found new work at wild oats, introduced by edmund and co.
working there with lionel and howai.
well better working envrionment i guess, much more relax than ritz carlton.
somemore got ren shi de ren work togt, the boss quite friendly also.
so still not bad ^^
but well work and exam gonna crash togt in the next few weeks =.=
dont know how i gonna handle, plus it is definitely going to eat into my studying time.
if can't find a replacement, gonna become ironman soon. T.T

but it is really no life nowadays..
bu shi work jiu shi dota or study. hai it's really a different lifestyle compared to last time.
didn't played bball for ages..
played ytd for a few games. the feeling is like WOW.
well, it really did make me feel more energetic and alive again after playing it. =)
i guess i truly enjoy bball. and it feels so relax playing it.

sometimes looking at the sch team, youth cup, bball yog.
it really makes me wonder.. wad if i chose bball over club, during both occasion, same time frame on year 1 n 2.. where would i be? how would my life be like. would i be enjoying myself everyday again on the court..? where i placed my priority, my heart n soul on basketball, like before?
sometimes, i thought to myself.. many ifs and possibilites..
i could be there and reached my goal of playing youth cup, sch team etc.
i could be striving for my passion now.. if i chose bball then.. even if it is on the 2nd occasion, it might be still possible..
one of the stuffs that really made me down in bball, is the time when we lost all the matches of the intercons last year, representing cadc..
I've put in so much effort into the team.. the rest of the team members also..
did training and made effort.. we were hot favouites then..
but ended up in stupid mistakes and losses. what a shame of me.. can't be able to control my team well and lead to victory as point guard.
some of the guys, esp like the year ones then, really look up to me.
what i felt then is disappointment to myself, n a greater disappointment to the others.
I thought giving up the choice of competitive bball then for club, i could divert my passion into cadc bball instead..
but even this i also failed badly..
when the chance arrive at my footstep to go for minyi training for the 2nd time..
i made the same choice in d end.. i thought i could get over it but the feeling still lingers today.

I used to ponder, whether did i really regret over my decisions, my choices over the past 2 n a half years, making the choices at the expense of many stuffs that were very very dear to me.
during tougher times.., i thought to myself stuffs like, y am i here? y am i putting in so much effort while the rest doesn't even give a damn? etc etc. i used to hate alot, bcoz of some stuffs that i can't change, some stuffs that i've completely don't have any power/ways to influence or solve stuffs.
but right now. i can clearly say that i wun't regret my choices and the decisions that i made over the past 2 years, joining club etc.
recollecting the events, the faces, laughters, jokes, sharing sessions, times togt. no matter which year. it then made me feel that my decision is worthwhile.

life is like that. you always have to make choices. no matter what, you have to give up something to obtain the other thing. it is a matter of give n take, comes and goes, with every possible choices. and perhaps, we would nvr be satisfied, bcoz we yearned for the other path that we didn't make our choice on. or mayb for some ppl, bcoz of tough times, regreted and wanted to go the other path.
Though some things, doesn't ended up perfectly the way we want it to be, but still it is the imperfection which made it perfect right?
Though some things, doesn't last long or forever, what matters is cheng jing yong you.
so right now, i've gained another major step in my growth in my poly years.
I was not in a dilema like before already, over choices that i had to make, n questioning myself over the decisions i made. bcoz i've clearly seen n knew what i wanted the past 2 n a half years.. and of course, i've already made another huge step, in letting go of stuffs already.
right now at least i know, that i've began to move on in life.
no matter how many mistakes i made, over my choices and stuffs in d future, i would not regret like before, bcoz i'm the one who made the decisions, n i made them for a reason.
i can only look forward, not backward.
only then i can learn not to regret in life.

all these r the progress tt i've made.
over stuffs that troubled me for very long.
and of course, some people used to say.
you become stronger after rising from every fall.
and right now, i am as strong as ever. =)

A new me. =)

its like whoaaaaa, it has been ages since i blogged.
time flew n it is already july.
n of course, had already turned 19.
i am thankful for those that remembered my bday
and i really appreciate the wishes n celebration i was given. =)

1 year has past since my last bday, n perhaps this is just another new chapter of life.
it has been pretty good so far.. i guess haha. given that
i've already started driving lessons.
apart from getting real sick over the last few days. =.= LOL
and most imptly, i've already getting started in moving on, finally letting go some of the stuffs that i've kept so long in my heart already. everything seems better
and start to bi jiao kan de kai le.
hope this goes on n i would be able to move on in life.

n of course, every bday boy gets to make his own wish/resolution right?
hah i've already made mine n i hope things really goes that way.
n of cuz i will work towards it.
ok til here. blog next time.

after so much.. sometimes i wonder..
am i on the right path?
am i doing the correct thing?
am i believing in the correct thing?

if all above is yes.
then it goes.
is everything worthwhile?

i can only feel helpless time and again.
look and cant do much.
did beyond wad i can do already.
yet the result is the same.
yet the cycle continues...
ending up in tears each time..
who can understand?

i wish for a god.
wish for some1 to tel me wad is the correct thing to do.
wad i could do to change the present.
i wish for a guaranteed way to solve this.
if god is able to guide me and ensure a guaranteed way.
even if it involves any sacrifices.
i would still do it...
because only this way,
there can be a change..
but that is only if.
if only.
some1 please guide me out of this..