My humble little blog

Life has been great these few months.
Alot of things happened and changed.
Knew quite a few good friends from work and we cliqued quite well.
Have going out with them and some usual ppl like kenneth zwei lionel.
Had fun working with them and late night activites.
Have been going out with sec sch frens too. Been so long since I've been going out with them for quite awhile.
Had our fun and our sharing sessions. It's great to have frens like them. Especially sec sch frens that been so long nvr contact. It's great to know that they are still by my side after all this while.

Anyway, I've made 1 of the most important decision in my life.
Which is to sign on to be a police officer.
I've been feeling lost all this while. Dk what to do in the future and have no purpose in life.
I don't wanna be struck trying to earn more money all the time in my life.
I don't wanna just trying to make ends meet in every month of my life.
I don't wanna work or do anything just because I have to.
I seek for a life of purpose and fufillment.
I wished to be a person that others can respect and look up to.
Instead of being just another guy who is always self-consicous and always seek for things that benefits himself.
I prefer ppl around me to respect n love me for who i am, then having ppl around me just because of certain materialistics or ambitious reasons.
On top of my excellence and interest in inferences, psychology, and analysing activites.
And my sporty and outgoing personality.
I've decided to become a police officer.
10 years down the road when my peers are working their ass off everyday to earn more money, finishing every task that they are given just because of money,
the things that i do everyday carries a noble reason behind it.
Is like comparing an insurance agent with police officer.
For every appointment that an insurance agent clinched everyday, it is definitely less satisfactory than every criminal case that a police officer solved, or every life that a police officer saved everyday.
This reason alone could push me through my career in the future.
Hope that I could really get accepted into the police force and work hard and hope that I would be offered a degree sponsorship position in the next few years.
So that I would be set for life.
I was so glad to finally find some directions in life.
Hope that no matter what happens in the future, I would be strong enough to weather the bad times, humble enough to enjoy the good times, improving myself all the time and gain satisfaction from this job.
Wished me good luck! ;D

Been going out with xy this few months too. Never expected that I would ever go out or really get close to her again after MY incident.
She was 1 of those gals that i could really relate to, n it was great having her back by my side as a friend for now again.
Remembered those MY times when I wanted to talk to her when she was online.
But is either I don't have the guts to talk to her,
or I just don't know what to say to her.
Wanted to care and concern her, but also dk where to start. Start le also like no help.
Sometimes even awkward too.
Been so long since had a really nice conversation with her.
And the times that I can't stop thinking about her, but force myself not to think, as I thought it was not worth it, and that I shouldn't carry on like this.
Tried to go out with or jio different girls, but the feelings ain't the same.
It never work out.
Sometimes even after 1 year of her relationship with MY, I thought I've forgotten about her comepletely then.
But whenever I see her, i still tend to feel soft about her.
But never really had a good conversation between us.

Seriously never thought that a simple bday card would cut the communication barrier between us all along.
I really appreciate the effort.
It shows that you valued me at least as a friend after all.
The incident has been a regret in my life, but at least the scar is healed up now.
Right now. I just wanna be the person there for her. Thats all, at least for now.
Just want to make her happy, just want to be there.

But there is 1 thing that is troubling me right now.
I dk what I should do.
At the start, I knew that the feeling would come back again.
But I just try not to.
But I guess the feeling is still there after all these years after all.
I'm nt the kind of typical guys, who has their own personal agendas when getting close to her.
Those typical guys who just wanted to get her.
I just wanna be the person to be there in her life.
I never intend to go any further, for now.
Just wanna enjoy her companion, and have a fun time togt.

However, the sudden appearance of this guy makes me think about the past mistakes I made in my life.
I can't let same stuffs of things happen to me in relationships over and over again.
I can't regret not telling some1 I had feelings for about my feelings.
I can't just let things happen, and eventually blame myself for this and that.

For now, I just wanna let her know of my feelings for her, so that I would not repeat my past mistakes again.
And not to regret in the future.
At least if she really were to be togt with some1 else in d future, I won't regret not telling her bout my feelings beforehand, and start thinking bout different possiblities and start regretting,
just like before.
At least I knew by then clearly about her decision.
But no matter what, I just wanna be the person to be there for her.
However, I really don't wish to give her any pressure on that.
I don't meant anything more than that.
There are too many guys who confessed to her.
Which gave her too much pressure.
I don't intend to go any further than a friend for now.
I don't wanna spoil my relationship with her.
I just wanna let her know, that's all.
After that, continue being her companion.
After all, also going in police soon.
In short, really just wanna to be there for her in her life.
Other stuffs jiu really see fate liao le.
That's all.
The problem now.
Is how to pluck out my courage to tell her. =/
But no matter what, 1 day I must really show some balls and tell her about this.
So that I won't regret anymore.