10 Oct 13, 1:50am

Okay, I am going to start making this a habit, of writing down my thoughts and feelings regularly, and eventually keep all these as entries for a little diary. This is especially so, when I encounter happenings that makes me happy, improve myself as a person and even unpleasant things, which eventually makes me learn something new, and made me a better person after that. I always wanted to write, but I have a bad habit of procrastinating about this, if not lazy to start on this new habit. I think it would be good if I could make writing as a habit. Not only improving my essay writing skills, I also can clarify my thoughts by putting them into words. By keeping a copy of what I written, I can measure the amount of growth every day and make every single moment counts. Here goes:

Seriously, one of my fi has been making me feel increasingly unpleasant for the past few weeks, since we arrive in Newcastle. There are too many things to record down and it’s really pointless to put my energy in reminiscing these unpleasant thoughts which only make me feel bad about myself. I know my character flaws, personal weaknesses. However, I’m sufficiently self-conscious to classify what’s right and wrong. All the endless arguments, childish ultimatum, over sensitivity and personal egos are driving me nuts. Says so much, but doesn’t want to sit down and trash things out with me. I doubt he has ever listened and take in things from me. As I reflected and look upon this issue now, I realized that it is really pointless to harbour unpleasant thoughts of how unhappy I felt about him, guilt for not being his ideal buddy as he thought so initially and how I am going to make things right. It drives my energy to the wrong direction and spoils my mood for the day, which would be such a waste if I continue to do so. Hence, I conclude that if he doesn’t approach and ask for a trash out session and listen to what we got to say, there’s no point in harping on this issue. So be it, if our paths splits, find our separate group of friends, apartment, life, etc. It might not be the way we planned it out to be before we arrive in UK, but definitely I will ensure I will make my own decisions and decide how I want my life to be.

Looking back the past twenty two years of my life, I realized I have gone through pretty much stuffs myself and learnt many life lessons from each corner of my life’s timeline. I understood the importance of making the right choices and keeping the discipline of keeping promises to myself. I remembered I was so affected by how others perceive about me and how I made many choices based on the wrong reasons such as peer pressure. I remembered not feeling good but still played along with the flow just because I wanted to be a nice guy. It’s not that nice guys don’t last, but if I do not choose and fight for the life that I want to create, it will never happen and my life will always be subjected to external factors that are never the right reasons. I couldn’t improve and be the best out of myself if I don’t start taking full responsibility of my happiness and my life.

I need positive growth and change. I realized that if I continue to allow unpleasant thoughts, and the wrong company of friends, I will never be able to take in positive, substantial thoughts, and great soul mates that will bring the best out of me. A cup will always be full and unable to take in new and positive things if I don’t pour out the bad ones. There is many more elaboration in regards to this topic and I’m going to skip that for now, because I will never stop for the next three hours once I start and I need my sleep for a great day later. Hence, with regards to the issue with my friend, I have to learn to accept that there are a huge variety of different types of people in the world and I have to respect every one for their uniqueness. I can’t blame him for complaining everyday about his hostel, being egoistic, etc. Whether or not he changes to be a better person and work on his flaws is entirely up to him. It is his own responsibility and rights to work out on how he wants to lead his life and how much he wants to improve himself as an individual. I can try to help as a friend and give feedbacks. As a friend, the only mature, right thing I can do is to respect him as an individual and accept him for who he is. I won’t push my ideals to him and will always stay out of his decision makings. I need to stop all the negative thoughts I have for him now, and should start to forgive the things that he does which makes me pissed. Clear the bad feelings I have deep down, respect him and move on. Henceforth, more positive feelings and thoughts would then have room to come in and I will feel so much better.

Letting bygones be bygones, forgiving his unpleasant actions internally and respect him as a friend, it makes me feel that I can better manage situations like these now and enhance positive thinking in me. It is part of the process of self-discovery and my growth in being a better person. Alright, I have to sleep now. I got to sleep and wake up later to the awesome start of a new day. Till then!

Start to a new life

Hi everyone,

This blog is alive again after nine months. I decided to start blogging again, more often of course. I reached Newcastle upon tyne, United Kingdom, three weeks ago to study at Newcastle University for the next three years. I'm on LSA sponsorship to study overseas and have four years left to serve when I finish my degree. I decided to post on pictures on facebook and blog more often, not only to keep an archive of memories of my time here in Newcastle, but also to share with my friends and the rest of the world my experiences. My family wasn't rich and I wasn't smart enough to get a full scholarship either. However, these are the common two reasons why people can afford to study overseas. It was rather, an opportunity for me to study overseas, to acquire great wealth and wide horizon of experiences, in a great place to discover the world and myself, and of course to make new friends and meet my soul mates. The post below is what I've reflected and written in the plane destined for Newcastle from Dubai. After settling down and having a great time exploring Newcastle with my new friends, I can finally post what I've written online today. 

17^th Sep 13

            It’s totally unbelievable. I’m on the plane to Newcastle now, reaching in perhaps another four to five hour time. For the past few weeks, I have been busy making preparations for overseas studies and meeting up friends. I was excited about my future and raring to go. I brought stuffs and made plans, mentally came up with a list of to dos to make full use of this golden opportunity to study abroad. However, as the days drew closer to my departure date, I grew more anxious each day. It’s a total mix feeling of excitement, and sense of attachment to Singapore. I’m raring to go, yet can’t let go. The longest time away from home I ever experienced so far was two months, during MSTD. I could felt the change that happened when I’m gone already. This time, is three years. Though it was a bonus to be sponsored to come back during summer holidays, my “base” for the next three years is still abroad.

It really saddens me at the thought that I wouldn't be able to grow with all my loved ones in Singapore for the next three years. There are so much things that I could missed out. I haven’t been able to give much good replies when people ask how I feel now, especially during my last night in Singapore at my farewell party. I just smiled and kept quiet, watching everyone laughs and have fun. Secretly, I want that night to last longer and even entertaining irrational thoughts of skipping my flight to stay with them. At times when I looked at my parents, I realized how much they had aged and my sister is growing up way too fast. People say that human tends to cherish once things are about to change. It’s so true and I felt that I hadn't done enough as a son to be filial to my parents. My cute little sister is growing up and as the days pass, I grew more attached to her and all. Perhaps at a young age (13), the only way of communication is to make fun and teasing. Without fail, I had fun making fun of her every night when I’m home. Being a sentimental guy, it was really difficult to put down everything just like that.

In the midst of my emotional thoughts, the logical side of me knew that this is part and parcel of life, and for this case, it is a big leap and wonderful change for me. Life isn't considered lived, dreams wouldn't be realized and one’s potential will never be fulfilled if one resist change and refuse to step out of comfort zone. As I’m struggling to discover myself for the past few years, I knew that I want a fulfilling life, seeking purpose in life and everything I do. I love leadership, kinship, bonds, responsibilities, servicing my people, making my life counts, learn new things, see the world, strategic thinking, curious about the arts, etc etc. Here I am, a Naval Officer of the Singapore Navy, experienced first taste of hands on leadership on board Fearless, am in a vocation where requires critical and strategic thinking skills, having a team work culture, assuming great responsibility, held the state flag high and proud on three major parades in 2013, given a golden opportunity to study in UK and learn new things, learn to be independent, discover more about the arts, travel around Europe at a cheaper rate and most importantly, discover myself. Compared to others, I can self-financed myself better, gained good deals of flying back to Singapore free, and earn money during summer vacations, repay my education debts faster, had a higher pay scheme and well designated path ahead after my studies. I knew what I wanted to do in life. I'm sure I will find my soul mates soon. Seriously, is there really anything to complain about? No.

2013 has been an incredible and miraculous year for me. I still remember clearly, one year ago, I was worrying if I could even be able to commission. I had a really tough time in MIDS, especially during MSTD. I was astound at how terrible and dis-respectable a course commander is, who’s supposed to be our role model to become honorable officers, to tell my peers on our actual commissioning day that he would had put me out of course if he isn't lazy to do the paper works. I realized that the girl I really poured my heart out for has always been one-sided only after a year, and all the terrible experiences I had with her. All these things really put me down, perhaps at one of the lowest point of my life. My self-belief was broken and I was questioning if god will do justice to people who is genuine, hardworking and sincere in life.

Although faced with all these setbacks, my determination to succeed and never say die attitude nutured from young has brought me through, not forgetting the people who helped and provided guidance, I manage to pick myself up. I will always remember the story that MAJ Desmond inspired me, the pebble story. In summary, the ugly, heavy pebbles that we pick up along in life, would turned out to be gems later in many forms. All these obstacles made me who I am today, and I certainly matured, grew stronger and wiser out of these. With these lessons and values, I would be able to make informed and wiser choices in life.

Fate has brought me to “The Secrets” and I finally understand the logic behind a lot of life happenings. It’s all about law of attraction, mainly is about us attracting what we thought. I was at the point where I got nothing to lose to try and practice positive thoughts in whatever I do, and it works. At the end of the day, I learnt to appreciate life better, embracing faith over fear, love over hate. The miracles that happened in my life have proved me right, that the light will always win the dark and as long as we got the attitude and determination to succeed, anything is possible. Everything happens for a reason and I began to embrace life and to remain a “teaching” attitude, so as to remain teachable and learn new things every day. I realized how important it was to smile and feel good. Looking back, I've changed alot and it was for the better. I did all those stuffs and got opportunities that I never imagined I would have. Although we didn't work out eventually, at least I knew that I gave my all for her without fear or conservation. It’s perhaps a blessing in disguise, because we might not be happy together and admittedly, she was the crucial factor that spark my decision to study overseas. From this lesson, I learnt that in order to let good things happen in your life, we must first pour out the bad things first. If we don’t let go of the unhappy things, happy stuffs won’t have room to come in. I don’t hate her as I used to anymore, she was part of my growth as a person and I would love to be good friends with her all over again someday. Once again, 2013 is really miraculous and life changing.

Looking into the future, there are so many things that I want to do, and is all over the place in my mind right now. Out of all these, the key outcome is to visualize what I will achieve out of these 3 years. Given that I’m not born into a rich family, and my grades weren't fantastic, it was really a rare opportunity for me to study abroad at a renowned school. I wouldn't let this go to waste and will definitely make full use of it. Studying overseas isn't totally all about the cert, but it is also about the wealth of experiences that I will acquire and going through the process of self-actualization. I want to learn to take full care, ownership of my life, ranging from cooking my meals to planning my time. I want to meet and socialize with people from different cultures, exchanging perspectives and bordering my horizon. I want to travel to many places that people seldom have the chance to visit, take beautiful pictures and make meaning out of it. Have a taste of different cultures and it all can relate to my life. I want to make close friends and go totally crazy, doing once in a life time things. I want to meet my dream girl, the soul mate of my life, who will stay by my side no matter what, explore the world with me and enhance both of our lives. I want to acquire a wealth of experiences, street smart tricks, social skills, leadership skills and many other skills that I couldn't think of as of now, to make myself a better person. Most importantly, I want to achieve first class honors  do my family and friends proud, and to pave out a better route for myself in the future. At the end of these three years, I hope to build up myself in all aspect, to be a better leader and individual, so that I can contribute back to the society and be a good influence to the people around me. If I could make the people around me happier and fulfilled in their lives, I would do all it takes. I have great dreams, visions and goals. I need the discipline, focus, determination and optimism to bring me through. I know I can do it, and I will not leave any regrets behind.  

Last but not least, I am grateful for everything I have and where I am now. My focus from now is to improve and enjoy myself. At the end of these three years, I would definitely look back at this post again and realized the amount of positive growth I gained. J

A few hours later, it is the beginning of a new journey. 

I've come a long way so far, from BMT, OCS and now as a commissioned Naval Officer of the RSN.

I'm not going to write down all the various reflections and takeaways from each milestone, for now at least.

But what I would like to write now and to remember is the set of directions I want to take in my life from now on wards.

I want to take ownership of my own life. 

From the smallest details of getting your uniform ironed to big details like conning a ship.

I come to realize that in order to take charge of other's lives and be successful in life, I need to take charge of my own life first. 

I need to take charge of my own happiness, and for all the things that happen be it good or bad.

We all have to realize that we can choose to be who we are and how we feel.

In life, we couldn't directly control the things that may happen, but what we could control is how we react to it. Reacting is not a simple answer a problem. It encompass everything including your mood, your perspectives, and your future. God's ultimate way of testing us humans is through the form of reaction. 

Like what the Law of Attraction says, we think our lives.

We could always choose to react positively, and things will turn out to be positive.

If I don't set the sail myself, the wind will.

And I will set it positively.

With that set of principles and direction, I will attain these new year resolutions.
This will also be the most updated new year resolution for this year.

Here goes:

1.  Get COC by end of April

2.  Save up to $20,000 through my own salaries

3.  Learn as much as possible to be a good Naval Officer

4.  Take optimism and ownership as my lifestyle every single day.

5.  Be humble and open up to other people's opinion, hence establishing good ties with the people around

6.  Get a girlfriend who's worth it.

I have to do Maj Tham, John B and my family proud to be a good Naval Officer of the RSN.

I am really grateful to their support and I will live up to their faith in me.

Throw all the unnecessary things away and set the sail.

With faith I crave the light and show the way.

If my boat were to capsize, I shall get the boat up again.

I'm made to overcome, and not to be overcame. 

Persistence and optimism will bring me through. 

Good luck to my new journey! :]

New Year Resolution for 2013

1.) Be positive
2.) Be humble and less defensive
3.) Be punctual
4.) Learn to accept other people's opinion
5.) Explore and gather a wide variety of knowledges and experiences
6.) Cherish and be a good person to all the different relationships in my life
7.) Saved up at least 20k by the end of 2013
8.) Be a good and well respected officer
9.) Give WC my everything to provide her a blissful life
Most importantly, 10.) Take ownership of my life and set a direction.

My Reflection

My very random reflection of the things that happen to everyone around me including myself, for MSTD and the past 1 year.

Sometimes, reality may be cruel. In your everyday's life, people may judge you for who you are, exploit your little m...istakes, put you down for your flaws, laugh at your beliefs and dreams. They may say that you are not up to mark, your ideals are impracticable, and perhaps, you just can't make it.

However, we need to realise that these are just people's perception of ourselves.

All these are just obstacles that are placed on our paths, to test how we react, our character, our attitude in improving ourselves, our level of positiveness and most importantly, our mental strength.
In such situation, preserverence is key, but is definitely not sufficient. We need to realise who are the people who really cares and matters, what are the relevant and true critics about ourselves that are useful, instead of allowing unnecessary comments or unimportant people to affect our lives.

We need to have the belief in ourselves, and to really put our thoughts into actions to make things happen. We should never DOUBT and LOSE ourselves. Because if we do, we had already lost the battle. If we don't, the power of positivity, love, attitude and personal faith would see us through. However, we should not be blinded by our self-defensiveness, to always believe that we would never go wrong. We must realised that everyone makes mistakes and would never be right all the time. There are certain things that we may overlook, and we need people to provide the necessary feedbacks so as to provide us an outlook of the larger picture.

We need the moral courage to stand up to our values, accept our situation, flaws and critics of ourselves at all times. Our personal beliefs must not be shaken, in spite of any unfavourable circumstances.

When we look back, we realise that all these are valuable life lessons which craves our character, making us a better human being today.

"Trying may not necessary bring success, and in fact may not be enough. However, we need to keep trying in order to attain success."

Just a thought

How much would u actually commit yourself to something.

Sometimes we thought of the idealistic picture of excelling and giving your 100% in whatever things that u do as n when you like it. But have we ever thought of how much we want to commit ourselves to it? What if it takes requires your full attention of your life currently, to concentrate on a single goal in mind so that u can actually reach that goal with the level of standard that u wanted? What if it takes few years of your life out to a completely new n unfamiliar environment, in order to maximize your potential in the path of route that you've chosen? Do u still feel the same rush of fire like when u felt initially? R u prepared or even going to make this commitment? R u even prepared to sacrifice other priorities in your life for this when the time comes for us to decide our options?

Have we ever gave our 100% to the priority that we set for ourselves? Or it's just making this promise to myself and eventually just go along the flow. Instead of waiting for things to happen, r we actually making things happen?

What is the end state in mind that u visualize yourself in? What is the kind of feeling u r yearning for when u r doing something?
I used to have the strong drive in me back then for basketball, because I commit myself to my dream, yearning n desiring it to happen. Which is to from a rookie basketball player to become a national or even a professional player. How does it feel to hold your stand for something u love, sticking n committing yourself to it, having faith in the beliefs u believe in, donning the courage to face n overcome all obstacles n becoming a better person after that.

How does it feel having to service your men, guiding them, helping them to become a better person? How does it feels to actually make an impact in another person's life, when u see them becoming a better person. The sense of appreciation n gratitude in their eyes, the warm n joy that we would all share after leading n going through hardships together. What is the passion of leading n guiding people?

What is the feeling of the sense of competency of accomplishing a task? Especially when it's a difficult task, that u managed to achieve it even though many would discourage saying that it's impossible to do it? How does it feels to sticking to what's right n what's possible, while many choose to follow the easier path to go to. How does it feels after overcoming all these challenges, the sense of accomplishment and fulfillment.

How do u feel when u make important decisions, which might impact other's life n all kind of big effects. What would you do if your decision now, could really onset n change your life to something. R u prepare for change in your life?

As many people says, change is the only constant in life. How prepared r u in facing changes in your life? How prepared r u to lose something that u truly cherish for the benefit of the greater good?

I could only visualize,
and was interested, so
I came in wanting to find out more.
I had my fears n my uneasiness.
I had my own doubts about myself.
My capabilities n all.
And so whenever I felt uncomfortable,
I knew that this is the kind of challenge I'm looking for.
For it's not that it's not suited to me, but it's just pushing me out of my own comfort zone.
Accomplishing things that I never knew I could accomplish.
It's testing my character on a day to day basis,
n I know I should open up more by now.
I used to thought that I lose my sense of direction, not knowing what I really want in life
But in fact,
I knew what I want, the direction that I'm going to.
But it's just I chose not to acknowledge n take ownership fully.
For I'm scare of failures, scare of future obstacles.
Scare of making decisions.
It can be related to past experiences.
Yet as humans, we chose to remember the negatives of an experience,
the can't be done part,
but we never remind ourselves of the positives,
that actually, we eventually overcome all obstacles in d end,
provided that we persist on n never gave up.
The first step is always the hardest to make, n is always the most feared step.
Right now it is the time for me to realize n take ownership of my own experiences.

Nothing really happen though, but it's just small small things that happened everyday makes me
reflect on this. On the reasons y I sign on, n what I'm really looking for in life, on a personal side.
I didn't and had never gave my 100% yet, for there r just
too much other thoughts, distraction n my own doubts which makes my goal in mind less visible.
I haven't really commit myself to 100% yet, for I knew what kind of results 1 can achieve if
an individual chose to commit themselves to something.
I know myself, my past experiences, my own capabilities n my own character.
I know what I'm capable of.
But it's just I failed to acknowledge this n worry for nothing.
Not comfortable in taking the first step.

The feeling of being honorable, competent, passion in interests, love care n concern for other people.
Sticking to be right.

It's all about the amount of commitment I set myself to become a honorable Naval Officer.
How much I really do want it.
This is really a deep question to think about.
And right now I knew what is the first thing to do now.
Which is to acknowledge and accept myself for who I am
and taking the courage, to make the first step.

:)

It has been 3 months since the last post.

Wow time flies and 3 months over OCS has passed.

If I were to say everything that happened for the past few months,

this post will be flooded.

And yea, I'm quite lazy to pen down everything anyway. ;x

I just finished MSTD 01/12, having sailed to 3 different countries in 6 weeks.

The experience is of coz 1 of it's kind, n looking back,

it was quite filled up meaningfully too, even though I'm just a pre-mid,

haven't really started the course yet.

I still remember vaguely on the first day of OCS, when everyone feels

like shit.

The surroundings feels competitive, n people tends to group

with the people that they already knew through the same bmt coy or

any other kind of friendships too.

Alot of things looks superficial n it's quite difficult to find some1 that I can

really clique.

Expectations were weighed on us and alot of things r really different

in the way OCS is.

Though I've sailed 6 weeks with my batch boys from MIDS,

but still the sense of belonging feels missing.

I don't really feel that I can sync well with my batch boys.

Not as in don't like, but is just don't clique.

Mayb it's just me? I don't know.

The course commander don't seems to fancy me alot either.

Lol it's like a wrong footing at the start.

Oh well, I guess I can't do much about this kinda thing

but just maintain a positive attitude n do everything to my best

n to my own conscience.

Hopefully as time goes by, things would turn out for the better.

Now is April, 9 more months to go before commissioning.

Every now n then, I had the fear of OOC-ing.

was asking myself whether I could make the mark and meet up to

all the expectations weigh on us anot.

But ultimately in the end, I can't just give up without trying my best

to achieve it, isn't it true?

Actually I think I can do it, just that I think too much into it,

as always like before.

So for this 9 months, no matter how tough the going might get.

I must grit through my teeth, take the hardship and go all the way.

This is a challenge n I'm going to fucking achieve this.