quite much of stuffs happen at home recently..
well, it has been years.
maybe it has already reached the limit.

all that i can do is to lessen the burden on family.
working more often to gain extra cash.
try to keep sis company n happy.
keeping my temper cooly.
all i can hope for
is that nth will happen in d end.
that somehow someway, things will work out by itself.
she is right.. no 1 knows anything about me at home.
n we were just ourselves indivdually all these years..

it has been years..
it is so tiring, to be the middleman all tis while.
i must learn how to be contented and cherish the things i have.
i dk wad holds the future for us.
hope that everything would turn out fine in d end.
and that whatever that is suspected to be true would turn out to be untrue in d end..

choices & decisions

hey i'm back to revive my blog again. =)

having holidays now but the holidays r meant to study. =.=
found new work at wild oats, introduced by edmund and co.
working there with lionel and howai.
well better working envrionment i guess, much more relax than ritz carlton.
somemore got ren shi de ren work togt, the boss quite friendly also.
so still not bad ^^
but well work and exam gonna crash togt in the next few weeks =.=
dont know how i gonna handle, plus it is definitely going to eat into my studying time.
if can't find a replacement, gonna become ironman soon. T.T

but it is really no life nowadays..
bu shi work jiu shi dota or study. hai it's really a different lifestyle compared to last time.
didn't played bball for ages..
played ytd for a few games. the feeling is like WOW.
well, it really did make me feel more energetic and alive again after playing it. =)
i guess i truly enjoy bball. and it feels so relax playing it.

sometimes looking at the sch team, youth cup, bball yog.
it really makes me wonder.. wad if i chose bball over club, during both occasion, same time frame on year 1 n 2.. where would i be? how would my life be like. would i be enjoying myself everyday again on the court..? where i placed my priority, my heart n soul on basketball, like before?
sometimes, i thought to myself.. many ifs and possibilites..
i could be there and reached my goal of playing youth cup, sch team etc.
i could be striving for my passion now.. if i chose bball then.. even if it is on the 2nd occasion, it might be still possible..
one of the stuffs that really made me down in bball, is the time when we lost all the matches of the intercons last year, representing cadc..
I've put in so much effort into the team.. the rest of the team members also..
did training and made effort.. we were hot favouites then..
but ended up in stupid mistakes and losses. what a shame of me.. can't be able to control my team well and lead to victory as point guard.
some of the guys, esp like the year ones then, really look up to me.
what i felt then is disappointment to myself, n a greater disappointment to the others.
I thought giving up the choice of competitive bball then for club, i could divert my passion into cadc bball instead..
but even this i also failed badly..
when the chance arrive at my footstep to go for minyi training for the 2nd time..
i made the same choice in d end.. i thought i could get over it but the feeling still lingers today.

I used to ponder, whether did i really regret over my decisions, my choices over the past 2 n a half years, making the choices at the expense of many stuffs that were very very dear to me.
during tougher times.., i thought to myself stuffs like, y am i here? y am i putting in so much effort while the rest doesn't even give a damn? etc etc. i used to hate alot, bcoz of some stuffs that i can't change, some stuffs that i've completely don't have any power/ways to influence or solve stuffs.
but right now. i can clearly say that i wun't regret my choices and the decisions that i made over the past 2 years, joining club etc.
recollecting the events, the faces, laughters, jokes, sharing sessions, times togt. no matter which year. it then made me feel that my decision is worthwhile.

life is like that. you always have to make choices. no matter what, you have to give up something to obtain the other thing. it is a matter of give n take, comes and goes, with every possible choices. and perhaps, we would nvr be satisfied, bcoz we yearned for the other path that we didn't make our choice on. or mayb for some ppl, bcoz of tough times, regreted and wanted to go the other path.
Though some things, doesn't ended up perfectly the way we want it to be, but still it is the imperfection which made it perfect right?
Though some things, doesn't last long or forever, what matters is cheng jing yong you.
so right now, i've gained another major step in my growth in my poly years.
I was not in a dilema like before already, over choices that i had to make, n questioning myself over the decisions i made. bcoz i've clearly seen n knew what i wanted the past 2 n a half years.. and of course, i've already made another huge step, in letting go of stuffs already.
right now at least i know, that i've began to move on in life.
no matter how many mistakes i made, over my choices and stuffs in d future, i would not regret like before, bcoz i'm the one who made the decisions, n i made them for a reason.
i can only look forward, not backward.
only then i can learn not to regret in life.

all these r the progress tt i've made.
over stuffs that troubled me for very long.
and of course, some people used to say.
you become stronger after rising from every fall.
and right now, i am as strong as ever. =)