Memory may be a way to hold onto the things you love, the things you are, and the things you never want to lose.
but no matter how nice it is, it is all that it is.
You can't live in your memories forever.
because if you do, you would not be able to move on, when life goes on.
if so,
you would not be able to do the stuffs that you could do.
your heart could not be able to accept new stuffs, friends and phases of lifes.
you would just find yourself rooted on the spot, not going anywhere, not knowing your direction.

beautiful memories indeed.
but time changes everything, which is inevitable.
all we can only do is to adapt and move on.

life's like a drama.
and you are just the main character.
you interact with people that comes in and out all the time.
And experienced joy, sadness, anger, disappointment with different people in different episodes with different people.
but actually all along, the focus is just you, just on you.
you still have to face your journey on your own, deep down.
whatever decisions you made, whatever actions you done, craves out your path.
lastly only to find that
whatever that belongs to you come to you in d end.
but whatever that does not will all disappeared.

if that is so then why keep hanging on to stuffs that doesn belong to me all along?
i just have to learn how to let go, and move on in life.
of course it is easier said than done.
i've not been able to do that, deep down.
im still struck in my memories.
not be able to face life truthfully,
not being able to accept new people, new stuffs, changes and new phases of life.
i'm still the emotional old me, trying to hang on to everything.
i've found that i just can't let go, not yet.
but i know i will keep trying to.
because no matter how much i missed those memories,
i still have to let go.
i can't be struck forever in my memories.
i'm often worried not being able to hold onto stuffs.
and i go for any extent to attempt to hold on to them.
yea i'm this paranoid.
but after thinking so long.
well, everything is part of life.
people comes and goes.
whatever stuffs that belongs to you, would come back to you in a big cycle.
whatever that does not belong to you, no matter how dearly you held onto them, it will still have to go anyway.
you only have to learn how to accept and cherish whatever stuffs that came into your life.
after all this is still your life. you determine how your life wanna be, and it is still your own journey to walk on, deep down isn it?

well i believed strongly that there's such thing as fate.
we might not know why such stuffs happen, etc etc.
but somehow someday everything will all make perfect sense.
so for now laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, laugh as heartily as you can and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

the task that i'm gonna give myself from now.
is to try to let go, and really move on in life.
so that i could write new chapters in my life, and excel at whatever stuffs that i ought to excel.
wish me luck. =)

but i dont want you to be just another passing cloud.
but i knw it is near impossible. perhaps bah lol.

here's a song that really described and that could motivate my life now.

Breathe Again by Juwita Suwito.

Have you ever wondered how it feels when it's all over
Wondered how it feels when you just have to start anew
Never knowing where you're going
When you face a brand new day
It used to be that way
Now i just close my eyes and say

Chorus:
I just want to breathe again
Learning to face the joy and pain
Discover how to laugh a little, cry a little
Live a little more
I just want to face the day
Forget about the woes of yesterday
Maybe if i hope a little, try a little more
i'll breathe again

Starting out again is never easy
Disappointments come and go but life still move on
With a bit of luck, it's a brand new start
That might just work my way
No need to walk away
Don't want to live on life replay

Repeat:
Things will work out fine
If you can find the courage to look past the night
To see the break of dawn

heyy heyy im back again to blog. =D
been so long i blog man wtf lol.
well this blog is neither really about daily lives, nor the latest trends or etc.
i guess tis is somewhere i can express and pen dwn my feelings.
of course
is only when i have the feel to. LOL =X

hmm it has been 3 weeks into year 3..
its like whoa~ so fast year 3 already.
and before u knew it, we would all be grads already..
time flies real fast yea? lol.
many stuffs, esp after their FO.. things are gonna be different already.
this happens every year, cos it is inevitable.
whether is for the good or for the bad or wadsoever.
times passed, events passed. people change, situations changes.
really have to adapt to changes in life..
1 of the examples are..
i cant be as close with Apex already..
cant be like always hang out with them and stuffs like tat..
its not because dont like or wad, but is just because.
i had no other reasons to hang out with them already..
still remember during the times when IC camp and FO camp periods, when ur are all freshies and knew nth,
where i can teach the guitarists from basics, and mass dance.. even during school times..
where i can come dwn everyday for ur de camp prep..
where if possible guide ur and teach ur wadever i can..
other than tat help ur or pei ur song prac whenever i can..
but then both camps has already been over.. your has already become year 2.. become seniors already le.. your has grown up le..
everything is different already..
there are no more reasons in me coming down find ur liao..
besides it is wierd and it isn good to keep chup into other year stuffs too,
after all i dont belong to ur also.
unless of course if i was ever called by ur, i would surely go find/help ur wan. =)

all i can say and hope for Apex is..
if there were to be any conflicts/problems within urselves, plz do try/continue to solve it.
plz be truthful to each other, even though truth may hurts sometimes but is always better than keeping it to urself and wearing a mask to face each other everyday..
true friends wunt be called true friends if they didn't had conflicts before.
bcos only thru such setbacks and getting up after those setbacks, then would it truly test the strength of ur friendships and increase the bond among urselves.
so don't worry if there were any conflicts, becos if there were, it only means god's test of you guys de relationship..
hope my history wunt happen again.. esp on your..
hope that none of ur will had the regret that i had too..
really hope everything goes fine for your..
2nd point is..
seriously hope history wunt repeat again.. dont pick up the bad stuffs from us..
don't learn to be yearists and kept among urselves, even among ur own cliques. we are a club, we work togt, play togt and do everything togt. there's really absolutely no point in dividing this and that.. becos we are 1 club.
i dont know if im wrong in saying this so correct me if u think im wrong..
3rd point is..
hope that whatever we might say wrong or do wrong in d past, what i can say is tat its already over and
no matter what we are still humans and we do make mistakes.. be it we realise it anot, or does the mistakes even present anot in d 1st place..
plz do not keep grudges too.. i not saying tat ur got keep.. if ur got keep grudges in ur hearts.. plz try not to keep it there too long, if no, then good..
we are still a club and after all, all of us, including u guys have the same aim, which is the interest of the camp and the club..
isn it?
really look forward to all 3 years working togt again..
you guys has became seniors already.. hope no matter wad u guys enjoyed ur past 1 yr plus stay in club. and really continue ur journey in the club.. there are much more stuffs for all of us to go thru and enjoy too.
now is the time when you all should really cherish every time and moment spent togt..
dao le year 3 or grad, jiu will knw wad is regret liao when never cherish hao hao the times u guys spent togt, or nvr do some stuffs tat u knw u ought to do but nvr do in d end..
after all who knows where would we be when all of us graduates..
isn it? =/

sometimes i know it is very difficult to differentiate what is right and what is wrong.
i know i understand.
bcos i believe many seniors, including myself face this problem til today too.
the advise tt i can give, including to myself.
is wadever stuffs we do, nvr dui bu qi zi ji de liang xing and zhe ren.
once we accomplished tat, it is good enough le.
if in d future if u guys faced any problems, or just simply need some1 to talk to.
and i mean u guys, ANYONE. be it u knw me very well or not..
im always free for ur to approach to. i can always provide ur my listening ear.
and i will always be there for your.
being there doesn mean only physically being there.. emotionally too..
even if years has passed and life has gone further and further..
if anything, just a call to me, if i can i will be there..
our friendship doesn stop at senior & junior, and it doesn stop here too.. =)
these are all the stuffs i can say, and they have been kept in my heart for too long..

this is not a post to gain attention.. not a post to try to gain respect, attention or wadsoever..
these are words meant for ur and they are my heartfelt words..
im not a person who is good in expressing myself..
so i guess this is the best way i can express myself..
of course some of my stuffs, my idealogy from this post
it may be wrong, it may be incorrect.
perhaps stuffs shouldn be the way i said..
but im sick and tired of trying to say things tat confirm 100% will be pleasant and correct..
of course you can correct me.. if im wrong in anyway or another..
all the stuffs r meant for Apex. hope ur get wad i meant.
thats all i have to say.. =)

let me just learn to forget past unhappiness..
let me just learn how to forgive n forget..
let me just learn to trust other ppl, esp them..
let me just learn to let go of myself n open up my heart..
let me just learn to cherish and enjoy every single moment with everyone in the club..
becos 1 resolution i made for myself for poly life year 3.. is never let myself regret again.. =)