My Reflection

My very random reflection of the things that happen to everyone around me including myself, for MSTD and the past 1 year.

Sometimes, reality may be cruel. In your everyday's life, people may judge you for who you are, exploit your little m...istakes, put you down for your flaws, laugh at your beliefs and dreams. They may say that you are not up to mark, your ideals are impracticable, and perhaps, you just can't make it.

However, we need to realise that these are just people's perception of ourselves.

All these are just obstacles that are placed on our paths, to test how we react, our character, our attitude in improving ourselves, our level of positiveness and most importantly, our mental strength.
In such situation, preserverence is key, but is definitely not sufficient. We need to realise who are the people who really cares and matters, what are the relevant and true critics about ourselves that are useful, instead of allowing unnecessary comments or unimportant people to affect our lives.

We need to have the belief in ourselves, and to really put our thoughts into actions to make things happen. We should never DOUBT and LOSE ourselves. Because if we do, we had already lost the battle. If we don't, the power of positivity, love, attitude and personal faith would see us through. However, we should not be blinded by our self-defensiveness, to always believe that we would never go wrong. We must realised that everyone makes mistakes and would never be right all the time. There are certain things that we may overlook, and we need people to provide the necessary feedbacks so as to provide us an outlook of the larger picture.

We need the moral courage to stand up to our values, accept our situation, flaws and critics of ourselves at all times. Our personal beliefs must not be shaken, in spite of any unfavourable circumstances.

When we look back, we realise that all these are valuable life lessons which craves our character, making us a better human being today.

"Trying may not necessary bring success, and in fact may not be enough. However, we need to keep trying in order to attain success."

Just a thought

How much would u actually commit yourself to something.

Sometimes we thought of the idealistic picture of excelling and giving your 100% in whatever things that u do as n when you like it. But have we ever thought of how much we want to commit ourselves to it? What if it takes requires your full attention of your life currently, to concentrate on a single goal in mind so that u can actually reach that goal with the level of standard that u wanted? What if it takes few years of your life out to a completely new n unfamiliar environment, in order to maximize your potential in the path of route that you've chosen? Do u still feel the same rush of fire like when u felt initially? R u prepared or even going to make this commitment? R u even prepared to sacrifice other priorities in your life for this when the time comes for us to decide our options?

Have we ever gave our 100% to the priority that we set for ourselves? Or it's just making this promise to myself and eventually just go along the flow. Instead of waiting for things to happen, r we actually making things happen?

What is the end state in mind that u visualize yourself in? What is the kind of feeling u r yearning for when u r doing something?
I used to have the strong drive in me back then for basketball, because I commit myself to my dream, yearning n desiring it to happen. Which is to from a rookie basketball player to become a national or even a professional player. How does it feel to hold your stand for something u love, sticking n committing yourself to it, having faith in the beliefs u believe in, donning the courage to face n overcome all obstacles n becoming a better person after that.

How does it feel having to service your men, guiding them, helping them to become a better person? How does it feels to actually make an impact in another person's life, when u see them becoming a better person. The sense of appreciation n gratitude in their eyes, the warm n joy that we would all share after leading n going through hardships together. What is the passion of leading n guiding people?

What is the feeling of the sense of competency of accomplishing a task? Especially when it's a difficult task, that u managed to achieve it even though many would discourage saying that it's impossible to do it? How does it feels to sticking to what's right n what's possible, while many choose to follow the easier path to go to. How does it feels after overcoming all these challenges, the sense of accomplishment and fulfillment.

How do u feel when u make important decisions, which might impact other's life n all kind of big effects. What would you do if your decision now, could really onset n change your life to something. R u prepare for change in your life?

As many people says, change is the only constant in life. How prepared r u in facing changes in your life? How prepared r u to lose something that u truly cherish for the benefit of the greater good?

I could only visualize,
and was interested, so
I came in wanting to find out more.
I had my fears n my uneasiness.
I had my own doubts about myself.
My capabilities n all.
And so whenever I felt uncomfortable,
I knew that this is the kind of challenge I'm looking for.
For it's not that it's not suited to me, but it's just pushing me out of my own comfort zone.
Accomplishing things that I never knew I could accomplish.
It's testing my character on a day to day basis,
n I know I should open up more by now.
I used to thought that I lose my sense of direction, not knowing what I really want in life
But in fact,
I knew what I want, the direction that I'm going to.
But it's just I chose not to acknowledge n take ownership fully.
For I'm scare of failures, scare of future obstacles.
Scare of making decisions.
It can be related to past experiences.
Yet as humans, we chose to remember the negatives of an experience,
the can't be done part,
but we never remind ourselves of the positives,
that actually, we eventually overcome all obstacles in d end,
provided that we persist on n never gave up.
The first step is always the hardest to make, n is always the most feared step.
Right now it is the time for me to realize n take ownership of my own experiences.

Nothing really happen though, but it's just small small things that happened everyday makes me
reflect on this. On the reasons y I sign on, n what I'm really looking for in life, on a personal side.
I didn't and had never gave my 100% yet, for there r just
too much other thoughts, distraction n my own doubts which makes my goal in mind less visible.
I haven't really commit myself to 100% yet, for I knew what kind of results 1 can achieve if
an individual chose to commit themselves to something.
I know myself, my past experiences, my own capabilities n my own character.
I know what I'm capable of.
But it's just I failed to acknowledge this n worry for nothing.
Not comfortable in taking the first step.

The feeling of being honorable, competent, passion in interests, love care n concern for other people.
Sticking to be right.

It's all about the amount of commitment I set myself to become a honorable Naval Officer.
How much I really do want it.
This is really a deep question to think about.
And right now I knew what is the first thing to do now.
Which is to acknowledge and accept myself for who I am
and taking the courage, to make the first step.

:)

It has been 3 months since the last post.

Wow time flies and 3 months over OCS has passed.

If I were to say everything that happened for the past few months,

this post will be flooded.

And yea, I'm quite lazy to pen down everything anyway. ;x

I just finished MSTD 01/12, having sailed to 3 different countries in 6 weeks.

The experience is of coz 1 of it's kind, n looking back,

it was quite filled up meaningfully too, even though I'm just a pre-mid,

haven't really started the course yet.

I still remember vaguely on the first day of OCS, when everyone feels

like shit.

The surroundings feels competitive, n people tends to group

with the people that they already knew through the same bmt coy or

any other kind of friendships too.

Alot of things looks superficial n it's quite difficult to find some1 that I can

really clique.

Expectations were weighed on us and alot of things r really different

in the way OCS is.

Though I've sailed 6 weeks with my batch boys from MIDS,

but still the sense of belonging feels missing.

I don't really feel that I can sync well with my batch boys.

Not as in don't like, but is just don't clique.

Mayb it's just me? I don't know.

The course commander don't seems to fancy me alot either.

Lol it's like a wrong footing at the start.

Oh well, I guess I can't do much about this kinda thing

but just maintain a positive attitude n do everything to my best

n to my own conscience.

Hopefully as time goes by, things would turn out for the better.

Now is April, 9 more months to go before commissioning.

Every now n then, I had the fear of OOC-ing.

was asking myself whether I could make the mark and meet up to

all the expectations weigh on us anot.

But ultimately in the end, I can't just give up without trying my best

to achieve it, isn't it true?

Actually I think I can do it, just that I think too much into it,

as always like before.

So for this 9 months, no matter how tough the going might get.

I must grit through my teeth, take the hardship and go all the way.

This is a challenge n I'm going to fucking achieve this.

Posting is out and I'm officially enrolled in OCS MIDS, meaning I'm already an navy OCT.

My signed on application as a navy officer has succeeded and tmr is the first day of my career in the SAF.

On the day of POP when we are route marching, i told Yaseen that it really doesn't feel like we r going to POP in a few hours time. It feels like just another BMT high key event and that the following Monday we would be booking in back to Tekong again.

It doesn't feel real on the thought that we are posting out to different units and life wouldn't be the same again for all of us at that point of time.

Especially me, moving on to OCT for navy officer.

Others would just simply start the next phase of their army life this week,

I'm actually starting a CAREER!

It still feels quite of a shock for the first few days of block leave,

but the feeling really began to sink in the past few days.

During the navy officer board interview, alot of people thought that the questions were difficult to answer, especially the qns : "Why Navy?"

This seems to be a very superficial qns

but in fact, it is actually a very deep and self reflecting qns.

Hmm my thoughts?

Let's put it this way.

Interviewers question: Why Navy?

My answer to the interviewers were these:

Let's say instead what kind of person would I want to be in my life?

I wanted to be some1 that is driven n passionate in life.

Some1 that people would look up n respect to as a peer, as a leader, as an individual.

I want to do n go through stuffs that are unique from everyone else,

living up to the honor of the things that I do.

I want to make an impact in people's life,

and at the same time broaden my mindset and explore different culture and stuff in the world.

I just want to keep improving myself as an individual.

I don't want a deskbound job and work my guts out all my life just for the sake of working, just for the sake of everything that I need to support in my life.

Instead, I look for a life of purpose n fulfillment,

I don't want to drag myself out of bed to work everyday.

But instead i would rather myself to look forward to everyday of my life to the things that I'm going to do.

At the same time, I'm ensured financial stability all the time.

I don't need to work towards to owning a bungalow, or a superb Lamborghini car.

I just need to let my family n I to live our lives very comfortably,

with no financial worries.

Navy comes by not of prolong planning or childhood dream.

Neither do I thought about going to the Navy in d 1st place.

Instead it serve as an opportunity.

Life is all about making tough choices.

Sometimes, we just need some directions in making our choices.

At first I don't even know what kind of career paths am I really going to take in d future.

But I know what r the stuffs to seek for in my life.

Planning, doing n leading have always been elements in my life.

Having the opportunity to go overseas every now n then to explore different cultures,

doing extraordinary stuffs that not normal people would do,

learning to be an effective leader n team player,

a career with higher than average pay in Singapore with financial stability,

opportunities for scholarships to further studies,

n having the honor of protecting the country through my job

really seems to appeal to me.

In life, I've learnt that making decisions are part n parcel of life.

Just that life is too short for any regrets.

Of course I would be lying if I were to say I wasn't afraid at all to make this decision.

But alot of things that I went through previously in life had taught me that

life is always full of surprises.

Things r ever changing.

The way things r now maybe not be the same as it is in d future.

There will always be cons n an element of risk in every decision that we make in our lives.

We shouldn't be too bothered with factors like fear of regretting, uncertainty to affect our decisions in our lives.

Becuz these negative factors doesn't really prove anything to the various options.

What's important is to think logically n follow your heart.

And to be brave enough to be different and make that decision.

We shouldn't regret if things doesn't really turn out as fine as we thought of,

for there are always reasons to our decisions at the point of time.

Hence one of the few things that I will constantly remind myself from now on..

"Leave no room for regrets."

Few hours later would be the official start of new phase of my life.

I just wanna keep this strong n positive attitude all the way.

And make my decision worthwhile

and my life a fruitful one. =]