it has been so long i blogged.
all this while was lazy to blog and in fact, has doubts of sharing my thoughts publicily.
but then now suddenly got feel blog, so here i am lor haha.

it has been 1 year since FO..
seeing what and how the juniors did their camp prep reminded me alot of memories.
been a senior is not easy..
feed too much become spoon feed, dont care too much become neglect.
sometimes when you speak, have to think so much just to determine whether is ur statement fair and useful, need care about their feelings, right or wrong. before you can speak.
i dont know what i have been doing is right anot actually..
but in d end, i guess there are no definite right and wrong in such things.
and.. seeing some things happen or give problem, which is outside of your area, you cant really do or say anything to help. bcos u got no right to, and has less knowledge.
but seeing things happen yet i cant do something impactful to help really feels like shit.
and seeing that club has become a year by year system sucks too.
many things in my head but i cant just say them out as easily, and with the consequences to bear if really say out. i dont even know i am right anot in d first place..
its like the same feeling i felt, being helpless.

After so long, im still unable to come out of my shell.
i still questioned the club system til this day..
and i found that i am only further and further away from you all.
the feeling sucks becos you felt alone, facing the world alone.
sometimes you cant stick to what you think is right and yet keep close relationships at the same time too.

felt so alone.

it is the first day of the new year.
although yesterday night didn see countdown performances, fireworks or anything special.
but still it is a fabulous night, for the fact that been spending it with both sides of friends.
2009 was indeed a year to remember of . learned n gone thru much things, whether good or bad, high or low.
realised alot of things in life. which let me cherish even more the people around me.
it has really been a memorable year.
and now i will only look forward to the present, to the future, 2010.
hope that i would take whatever good things (and i mean anything) that i've gained and experienced along with me and forget/solve the bad things and low times in 2009, so moving on as a better person and better outlook in life. ^^
if there were ever to be a life quote that im ever going to be follow, it is:
bring it on, whatever life has to offer. Have courage to face just anything.
And enjoy life every moment possible.
i feel strong for these meanings and i will do it. but i dont know how long can this feeling last.
but i know now, my attitude is this. And hope that this mentality can really last. ^^
new year comes with new resolutions for the new year.
i've got mine. i hope and know that im gonna fufill them. at least i will work towards to them. ^^

haha perhaps i sound too profound eh haha. but yea these are the things i reflected and realised for the last few days of 2009. add more oil for me yea. (:

hi all. finally back to blog again after like duno how many donkey months or weeks lol.
duno why suddenly got feel blog jiu come blog le. haha..
so what's up recently?
lol still the same old me ba. nth much to update about everyday.
except that i've finally gone clubbing for the first time! lol.
though i go there also stand there like stone like that.
but it is great to see and experience new things. haha.
just met up with some danchuns members last week.
it has been so long since we met le bah.
though nt much ppl can make it for the small gathering. but still it feels great.
think i gonna take up the role of organising chalet for them soon.
if not think we wunt have chalet le sia. from last time drag untill now.
and theres our GAIA outing at marina barrage!
lol we did some kite flying and picnic there.
and we talk cock play game too lol.
photos are up but think too lazy to get from mary and others.
but nevertheless,
it was fun hanging out with them. (:

haha hmm intercons coming up le. in fact is immediately after mst.
and nxt coming week is already mst! fast sia. think next 2 weeks gonna be pack with mst and intercons everyday le bah haha.
hope we wunt repeat history again like last year.
and i know somehow that we really wunt.
but in anyway anyhow, lets give in our all for the upcoming intercons bah, believe we can do it de. (:
mst coming and my modules are still abit shaky.
think gonna work extra hard these few days bah. though still will slack abit lah sometimes. LOL hahas. =x

after past few weeks, have thought through how i wanted to plan my future from year 3.
but first i have to pull my gpa up.
current score of 2.8 is not getting me anywhere.
next year gonna be tougher and busier too.
most probably be doing major FYP with other SPOT people, attending basic pilot theory course in SP.
after that see how, if possible jiu go for either lasik or go for PPL . see which 1 do first.
then apply for RSAF or other alternatives bah.
tough road though, alot of money and effort needed.
haha bo bian i have to JIAYOU luh!

but still, empty at some times.
how i wish not to be so overly emotional sia. LOL.

lol hmm but for now, just cherish and enjoy every moment i can get bah. annnd have fun, of course. haha. (:
wish me luck man for the upcoming intercons. (:

so borring now.
nth to do, and dont feel like sleeping yet.
first week of sch has just gone.
everyday life back to normal.
gone for lesson before going to club everyday.
bball training for cadc has resumed, and is going to be tougher than bfore.
and i have started to come to sch on time! =D
that is 1 great improvement.. haha..
hmmm so bored now sia.
nth to keep me occupied.
feeling so empty and lost at times.
hate this feeling.

woooshhh~ just back from interaction camp a few days ago.
first time being MIU was fun! though abit tiring also haha.
good job to all I/C PCs 09/10.. and of course not forgetting GAIA mius, the cooks and the grads.
hope this year I/C PCs will learn and gain alot from this experience.
mistakes done is over, what matters is learning and enjoying the process together.
kind of touching to hear their appreciation, and seeing them dropping tears for the camp, for everyone. hope that their journeys with us will not end here, and will continue to strive on.

another good thing is through this I/C camp, we cleared misunderstandings and all of us are getting back together. i also learned alot thru this camp, and realised that i began to trust more and more people in the club. hope that this will carry on.
many things to elaborate, but not going to list out here cos plainly too lazy le.
hope that the next FO camp, as a whole club we will do it better without anymore regrets.
learn and bond together as one. (:

shocking week indeed.
nvr expect to hear the bad news.. nvr expect that at changi airport is the last goodbye to vinc.
cant actually believe that it really happened, like it was totally unreal.
as if, anytime after sch starts, vinc will still like usual come down to club everyday to play dota or carom, hearing his techies-like laughter and enjoying his presence.
left us so early, it really does hurts.

life is unpredictable, we should learn how to cherish what we have now.
hope that perhaps 19 years later, when all of us go back club to see how it is going, we can see another vincent in cadc and be able to do FO camp.
hope that he could find a better place in the next world, and reincarnate to a person with better and luckier life.
rest in peace vincent chia ming jin, we will miss you.

im back again to blog. the holidays started le and that also marks the start of itp.
nigel they all went overseas itp in china.
bidded farewell to them on their flight day.
though everytime we all there kbkb, but cant deny that kinda sad to see them go also.
lols they gonna be back by 5 weeks time.

so everyday, went for work in the morning at kaki bukit.
the company specialise in servicing laser equipments,
all i done so far is just doing some minor paper work, and washing of laser equipments.
but recent few days learned how to calibrate laser.
lol didnt really master the skill, but at least had a concept of what's happening. haha.
then evening time finish work, jiu went back sp help them camp prep.
mainly also help the guitarists and their reports.
just now just finished recee at st john island only.
and so, 1 week has already passed, yet the duration feels like 1 month.
working there is boring. but at least at night can go back help the year ones.
haven been really playing ball this week though, hope can play more this week onwards.
but 1 bright note is able to apply leave for IC camp. haha so glad abt it.

things have changed over the past few months, or the past year.
is it called the reality of the part and pacel of life? or is it something that we can make a difference with.
seeing the past photos, past memories.
compared to what i see now.
it really make me feel that no happy things can last forever.
lol feeling lost here and there. not knowing where i am heading. not knowing what i really want. not knowing who are the people that i can really count on.
really hoped to solve this lost feeling asap.
hope everyday can dont need to think or have this feeling, but to spend everyday happier.
ok i know i sound emo lol.
should stop here now.
byebye.