Hi everyone,
This blog is alive again after nine months. I decided to start blogging again, more often of course. I reached Newcastle upon tyne, United Kingdom, three weeks ago to study at Newcastle University for the next three years. I'm on LSA sponsorship to study overseas and have four years left to serve when I finish my degree. I decided to post on pictures on facebook and blog more often, not only to keep an archive of memories of my time here in Newcastle, but also to share with my friends and the rest of the world my experiences. My family wasn't rich and I wasn't smart enough to get a full scholarship either. However, these are the common two reasons why people can afford to study overseas. It was rather, an opportunity for me to study overseas, to acquire great wealth and wide horizon of experiences, in a great place to discover the world and myself, and of course to make new friends and meet my soul mates. The post below is what I've reflected and written in the plane destined for Newcastle from Dubai. After settling down and having a great time exploring Newcastle with my new friends, I can finally post what I've written online today.
17th
Sep 13
It’s totally unbelievable. I’m on
the plane to Newcastle now, reaching in perhaps another four to five hour time.
For the past few weeks, I have been busy making preparations for overseas
studies and meeting up friends. I was excited about my future and raring to go.
I brought stuffs and made plans, mentally came up with a list of to dos to make
full use of this golden opportunity to study abroad. However, as the days drew
closer to my departure date, I grew more anxious each day. It’s a total mix
feeling of excitement, and sense of attachment to Singapore. I’m raring to go,
yet can’t let go. The longest time away from home I ever experienced so far was
two months, during MSTD. I could felt the change that happened when I’m gone
already. This time, is three years. Though it was a bonus to be sponsored to
come back during summer holidays, my “base” for the next three years is still
abroad.
It
really saddens me at the thought that I wouldn't be able to grow
with all my loved ones in Singapore for the next three years. There are so much things that I could missed out. I haven’t been able to give much good replies when
people ask how I feel now, especially during my last night in Singapore at my
farewell party. I just smiled and kept quiet, watching everyone laughs and have
fun. Secretly, I want that night to last longer and even entertaining
irrational thoughts of skipping my flight to stay with them. At times when I
looked at my parents, I realized how much they had aged and my sister is
growing up way too fast. People say that human tends to cherish once things are
about to change. It’s so true and I felt that I hadn't done enough as a son to
be filial to my parents. My cute little sister is growing up and as the days pass, I
grew more attached to her and all. Perhaps at a young age (13), the only way of
communication is to make fun and teasing. Without fail, I had fun making fun of
her every night when I’m home. Being a sentimental guy, it was really difficult to put down everything just like that.
In the
midst of my emotional thoughts, the logical side of me knew that this is part
and parcel of life, and for this case, it is a big leap and wonderful change for
me. Life isn't considered lived, dreams wouldn't be realized and one’s
potential will never be fulfilled if one resist change and refuse to step out
of comfort zone. As I’m struggling to discover myself for the past few years, I
knew that I want a fulfilling life, seeking purpose in life and everything I
do. I love leadership, kinship, bonds, responsibilities, servicing my people,
making my life counts, learn new things, see the world, strategic thinking,
curious about the arts, etc etc. Here I am, a Naval Officer of the Singapore
Navy, experienced first taste of hands on leadership on board Fearless, am in a
vocation where requires critical and strategic thinking skills, having a team
work culture, assuming great responsibility, held the state flag high and proud
on three major parades in 2013, given a golden opportunity to study
in UK and learn new things, learn to be independent, discover more about the arts,
travel around Europe at a cheaper rate and most importantly, discover myself.
Compared to others, I can self-financed myself better, gained good deals of
flying back to Singapore free, and earn money during summer vacations, repay my
education debts faster, had a higher pay scheme and well designated path ahead
after my studies. I knew what I wanted to do in life. I'm sure I will find my soul mates soon. Seriously, is there
really anything to complain about? No.
2013 has
been an incredible and miraculous year for me. I still remember clearly, one
year ago, I was worrying if I could even be able to commission. I had a really
tough time in MIDS, especially during MSTD. I was astound at how terrible and dis-respectable a course commander is, who’s supposed to be our role model to
become honorable officers, to tell my peers on our actual commissioning day
that he would had put me out of course if he isn't lazy to do the paper works.
I realized that the girl I really poured my heart out for has always
been one-sided only after a year, and all the terrible experiences I had with her.
All these things really put me down, perhaps at one of the lowest point of my
life. My self-belief was broken and I was questioning if god will do justice to
people who is genuine, hardworking and sincere in life.
Although
faced with all these setbacks, my determination to succeed and never say die
attitude nutured from young has brought me through, not forgetting the people who
helped and provided guidance, I manage to pick myself up. I will always
remember the story that MAJ Desmond inspired me, the pebble story. In summary,
the ugly, heavy pebbles that we pick up along in life, would turned out to be
gems later in many forms. All these obstacles made me who I am today, and I
certainly matured, grew stronger and wiser out of these. With these lessons and values, I would be able to make informed and wiser
choices in life.
Fate has
brought me to “The Secrets” and I finally understand the logic behind a lot of
life happenings. It’s all about law of attraction, mainly is
about us attracting what we thought. I was at the point where I got nothing to
lose to try and practice positive thoughts in whatever I do, and it works. At the
end of the day, I learnt to appreciate life better, embracing faith over fear,
love over hate. The miracles that happened in my life have proved me right,
that the light will always win the dark and as long as we got the attitude and
determination to succeed, anything is possible. Everything happens for a reason
and I began to embrace life and to remain a “teaching” attitude, so as to
remain teachable and learn new things every day. I realized how important it
was to smile and feel good. Looking back, I've changed alot and it was for the
better. I did all those stuffs and got opportunities that I never imagined I
would have. Although we didn't work out eventually, at least I knew that I gave
my all for her without fear or conservation. It’s perhaps a blessing in disguise,
because we might not be happy together and admittedly, she was the crucial factor that spark my decision to study overseas. From this lesson, I learnt that in
order to let good things happen in your life, we must first pour out the bad
things first. If we don’t let go of the unhappy things, happy stuffs won’t have
room to come in. I don’t hate her as I used to anymore, she was part of my
growth as a person and I would love to be good friends with her all over again
someday. Once again, 2013 is really miraculous and life changing.
Looking
into the future, there are so many things that I want to do, and is all over
the place in my mind right now. Out of all these, the key outcome is to visualize what I
will achieve out of these 3 years. Given that I’m not born into a rich family,
and my grades weren't fantastic, it was really a rare opportunity for me to
study abroad at a renowned school. I wouldn't let this go to waste and will
definitely make full use of it. Studying overseas isn't totally all about the
cert, but it is also about the wealth of experiences that I will acquire and
going through the process of self-actualization. I want to learn to take full
care, ownership of my life, ranging from cooking my meals to planning my time.
I want to meet and socialize with people from different cultures, exchanging
perspectives and bordering my horizon. I want to travel to many places that
people seldom have the chance to visit, take beautiful pictures and make
meaning out of it. Have a taste of different cultures and it all can relate to
my life. I want to make close friends and go totally crazy, doing once in a
life time things. I want to meet my dream girl, the soul mate of my life, who
will stay by my side no matter what, explore the world with me and enhance both
of our lives. I want to acquire a wealth of experiences, street smart tricks,
social skills, leadership skills and many other skills that I couldn't think of
as of now, to make myself a better person. Most importantly, I want to achieve
first class honors do my family and friends proud, and to pave out a better
route for myself in the future. At the end of these three years, I hope to
build up myself in all aspect, to be a better leader and individual, so that I
can contribute back to the society and be a good influence to the people around
me. If I could make the people around me happier and fulfilled in their lives,
I would do all it takes. I have great dreams, visions and goals. I need the
discipline, focus, determination and optimism to bring me through. I know I
can do it, and I will not leave any regrets behind.
Last but
not least, I am grateful for everything I have and where I am now. My focus from
now is to improve and enjoy myself. At the end of these three years, I would
definitely look back at this post again and realized the amount of positive
growth I gained. J
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